These feelings...

I keep having these feelings. Feelings of sadness. Sad because I just want to hold my son. I just want to rock him to sleep one night. I want to hear his little breath's of life. His tiny heart beats. I miss him.


I also have feelings of self criticism. I feel at times as though I need to stop being sad and move on. Just get over it already. He's gone, Megan. Let him go. So I try to bottle my emotions up and before I know it, I'm over come with depression and can't properly express myself to my gentleman. He wants so bad to be there for me and help me but how can he do that, when I'm screaming into my pillow and not talking to him? I realize I need to welcome the emotions. Feel the sadness when I feel sad. Feel the joyfulness when I feel joyful. Feel the frustration when I'm angry. Feel the peace when I am peaceful.


Although, I miss Jacob terribly, I know one thing is true....he is being loved so much, every moment of every day. I still feel kinda sad. Will this feeling ever go away? I'm not sure but I will be strong. I will take one day at a time. As I write this with tears streaming down my cheeks, I realize how precious life is. All the small things I used to be so worked up over, don't even matter anymore. They don't mean anything to me now. I just have a bigger perspective on life and the blessings that we receive every day.


I may need to under go some therapy. I may just need to get away from everything for a while. I may just attempt to escape into another world in my head tonight. It sure feels as if there is a war going on in there.

These feelings...why do we feel? I rest assured and welcome these feelings with open arms.