Coming to a Close.

It's been nearly 10 months. Seems like such a short time when I think about it. If you came to me 10 months ago and asked me what love was, I would've had a very vague, cliche answer. I had an idea of what it was but not a very accurate one. Since then, I've had this precious little life growing inside of me. Something I never knew would have such an impact on me. As I look down and see my tummy, I still can't believe there's a little baby in there. I wrap my arms around myself. I feel that's the closest way to hug the little life. For so long, I couldn't wait to get this over with. I didn't know how I would feel as this journey came to a close. I feel sad. This is my child. My firstborn. Always will be. As they grow inside me, I can't help but think about how fragile their tiny life is. This tiny human has been depending on me for the past 10 months for survival and that's about to come to an end. That responsibility is about to be gone. What will I do with myself when this happens?

Most couples are over-joyed when the little one is about to arrive. I, on the other hand, am having mixed emotions. Once this baby enters the world, it will only be a short time till we say "See you later". How much later, I do not know. But one thing I do know is this journey is just beginning for the little one and the adoptive parents. I see the overwhelming gleam of joy in their eyes and it warms my heart. 

Then come the hormones. Am I going to be okay when I send my baby away? Will I ever get better? Overcome the heartache? Oh, how I am so terrified of the pain I am about to feel. How can I miss someone so much after such a short time of being with them? How in the world can I feel so much love and affection for one person? How has this tiny life grabbed my heart so harshly that I cry at the very thought of letting them go? That's talent. 

I cannot wait to finally meet my child. To hold them in my arms for the first time. Kiss them. Hug them. Gaze at every detail of their face. I didn't know such little things would be so special with one person. 

I know this is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done. I also know that years from now, I will look back and be so thankful for the adoptive parents. I know they are going to be the most amazing parents I could ever want for my child. 

But for now, I have to get over the emotional hurdle. When I am sent home from the hospital, I know it will take a long time to deal with the raging emotions. 

I pray God can spare me an angel to comfort me through these next few months. I know He is looking down with pride. 

I pray that someday, my child and I can be reunited. 
Until then, I will lean on God for strength. I know I cannot do this on my own. Which is why I'm glad I am not on my own.